Monday, February 11, 2013

A letter to my son

Ever since Santino was a couple months old, I have been writing him letters. The topics range from feelings about how much he's grown, milestones he's met, recent things that have happened, advice and what I hope for him to be. I started these letters after I read the book The Wednesday Letters (it's a good read if you're interested). I'm really looking forward to the day that I can give him the letters - most likely when he's a father himself.

I will never forget the joy I felt when I first laid eyes on him. After 30 hours of labor and a C section, I had to wait 6 extremely long hours to see him. He was absolutely beautiful - small brown eyes, tons of black hair, and a look I will never forget. The look told me that he picked me as his mother. I get choked up thinking about meeting him, I had so many emotions but most of all, was just proud to be his mom. One of the first things I told him was not to get a girl pregnant before he's settled and married! I'm a little old school when it comes to that and am passionate about having children at the right time so I had to make it clear.

A couple months after Santino was born, we noticed how rashy his skin was. What I thought was a newborn rash and cradle cap ended up being eczema. Since eczema is usually inherited from an asthmatic parent (me), I was disappointed to have passed this on to him. I was hoping and praying that Santino wouldn't have asthma as well. He's a daycare baby so he's sick frequently and constantly coughs. He coughs so much he throws up. The last time he was sick, I took him to the doctor who prescribed a nebulizer. I thought TT (word etymology: Santino - Tino - T - TT) would hate it. He freaks out for haircuts and every time we take his temperature but he absolutely loves his nebulizer. This, I have to admit, freaks me out considering he loves the smoke (word etymology: smoke - bong toke).

So how does all this relate to running? And does it even relate? Yes. I was held back by asthma as a child. I laughed so hard I wheezed. I couldn't play too much without having to stop and catch my breath. When I outgrew it and was a chubby pre teen, I used asthma as my excuse for not doing any physical activity. No, Mr. Smith I can't run a mile because I have asthma. I was perfectly content sitting on the sidelines. Asthma became my crutch. I don't want this for Santino. I want him to feel like he can do anything he puts his mind to. I don't want him to make excuses for why he can't do something before he even tries.

I'm hoping to lead by example. After I got pregnant, my asthma came back. I use my inhaler here and there and take Advair daily. I will run my 5K with asthma and run my half marathon with asthma. I hope this shows Santino that you can do anything you set your mind to even if it's not easy. Running in winter is definitely not easy for me but I power through it nonetheless. We all have obstacles but if we use them as an excuse and give up, we're never going to get anywhere.

As for my training, I'm finally feeling better and off antibiotics. I will run again soon and let you know how it goes. I have 33 days until my first 5K. Time to get a move on!


A look I will never forget

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