Wednesday, July 17, 2013

CrossFit and the Zombie Apocalypse

I've recently started reading Inside the Box: How CrossFit® Shredded the Rules, Stripped Down the Gym, and Rebuilt My Body and love how the author says Greg Glassman (founder of CrossFit) wanted a more scientific approach to exercise. In doing so, he first thought of giving fitness a definition. I like this. After all how you can think of a solution without knowing what you're trying to achieve? Problem-solving. I'm an Engineer at heart, and on paper. Are you bored? Because studying engineering in college is a little boring. Good night.

Back to the man - Greg Glassman. His definition of fitness is a measure of how well a person can respond to an unforeseen event - the unknown and the unknowable. Firemen and police officers deal with the unforeseen on a daily basis and need to be fit in order to tackle the unknown. Let's consider Zombies an unknown. If you are unfit in terms of Glassman's definition, it is highly unlikely you will survive the Zombie apocalypse. You won't be this guy.

Or maybe you don't want to be that guy. He's zombie bait. But at least he's not one of them! Going along with fitness and the zombie apocalypse, let's talk about Zombieland - Rule #1 Cardio. I don't think Glassman and CrossFit agree with just needing cardio. This should be changed to GPP - General Physical Preparedness which includes the following -


You are as fit as you are competent in all of these skills. Zombies can't do box jumps. Another rule I think applies (and I'm not going to go through all of the Zombieland rules because that movie was pretty damn awesome and who am I to mess with that). Anyways, another rule that applies is "Don't stick to a Routine". Ahh so very CrossFit-esque. Routine will get you killed. Think of Hershil's farm on The Walking Dead (don't watch that show? Well you should). As soon as everyone got stuck in a routine, zombies (or walkers in this case) took over. If they had a plan to go back to the farm or drive the zombies away, they could have continued living there. Alas, they got stuck in a routine and lost some of their people. Not acceptable.

Back to reality, I'm going to CrossFit tonight. The WOD is 3 rounds for time - 15 push press (95/65), 20 over the box jumps and 25 wall balls. I too was confused when I read over the box jumps and apparently, they are not clearing the entire box. Thank God. Over the box jumps are jumping on the box and then jumping off to the other side. Still nuts. I'll let you know how that goes. Wish me luck!

Do you ever wonder why some movies depict zombies as slow moving and generally dumb (they can't open doors, etc) but other movies depict them as marathon zombies. These zombies are fast and pretty smart, some of them even jump over things! Now imagine this - CrossFit zombies. I don't even want to think about it. A bunch of fit zombies running after me. The CrossFit Zombie apocalypse would be a bitch. That's one battle I don't think any of us could fight.

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